I'm hooked on shows about fat people. It's like watching Hoarders. You're more comfortable with the mess you live in when you can compare it to the hoard that someone else is living in. Seeing someone's 600-lb life makes me think I'm okay because I'm nowhere near that size. When I look in the mirror, I have nothing to compare myself to. I don't notice the weight going on and I don't notice the subtle changes my body is making over time. I imagine myself to look the way I did in high school. But when I see myself next to someone smaller or in shape, I'm absolutely horrified. Ignorance is bliss, but I've been an idiot. This whole time I've convinced myself that I look like Dr. Jekyll, but the truth is, I've knowingly let Mr. Hyde take over. I've known for many years that I need to get my weight under control, but if I don't acknowledge that anything is wrong, then it's not, right?
Becoming one of those people I watch on TV could be easy - I love food! I'm overweight because I love to eat. I love the taste and textures of food and I'm okay with eating when I'm not hungry. One of my weaknesses is salt. My husband has always joked that he's going to give me a salt lick for my birthday.
On a shopping trip with a girlfriend a few years ago, the topic of weight surfaced. She was hesitant to try on anything that was semi-tight because it would reveal her extra weight. She quickly added that she knew she wasn't fooling anyone...clothes don't make a fat person look skinny and you can't hide how big you are. That conversation is something I haven't forgotten. I'm reminded of it daily when I pick out clothes to try to hide myself.
So...I'm on a new, yet familiar journey to lose the extra weight and get my body back. I'm participating in a "Chub Club" at work and will be weighing in each week. My starting weight is, gasp...226 pounds! I had my third baby in October 2012 and people tell me that it's okay to be heavier because I just had another baby. The truth is, I've had plenty of time to drop the extra weight, but instead, I've been gaining. I can't believe it. Wait, yes I can. I think about my weight every time I'm eating and shoveling more food in well after I'm full. I swear some days I can actually feel my fat cells getting bigger. It's time to deal with this issue head on.
Here are the pictures of me from this morning's weigh-in.
I can't believe I included that last picture. That's just downright gross. But I suppose that's what people see when I sit down. I can't see it from that angle, so I pretend it's not there.
I want to add that I'm STARVING right now. My stomach is growling. And no, I'm not starving myself. My gluttonous stomach just wants more! I've been a food beast. This is how I imagine myself to be treating food lately.
I'll be weighing in each week and blogging my results. I'd love to lose at least 50 pounds and get back to the weight I was at before I had three kids. I'm done having kids and am ready to look good again. It helps that we're on a very strict budget right now (finally going to make headway on some debt, I'll blog about that, too), so eating out isn't an option. My prediction is that I'll lose seven pounds the first week. Cross your fingers for me!
Kudo's to you Rachel! This is so inspiring! Ten years ago, I lost 50lbs and kept it off for seven. But now I'm right back where I was then. I can blame no one else but myself. Thank you for doing this! You've given me the motivation to start my own weight loss plan-You are a very courageous woman! Good Luck-and God Bless!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Chris!! :)
DeleteGood for you! I wish I was there with you. I could use a friend to go through this with. It's like I was reading about myself. I won't let anyone take my picture. I even try to have a "good" picture taken and I delete every one because when I look at the image I don't see the person that I was, the one I think I am until I look in the mirror. I'm a bit jealous that you have the motivation I really need to get off my butt.
ReplyDeleteI know you're not fishing for compliments, but you are beautiful! I've always thought so...in a non-creeper kind of way. haha I know I took my body for granted in my high school years. I remember commenting over and over to people how I didn't work out and I ate McDonald's every day for lunch and I didn't gain any weight. People were so nice to bite their tongues and not rip me a new one. Well, the joke's on me now! lol
DeleteYou can do it! I have faith in you.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Judith! I know I can, I just have to stay mad at myself long enough to see some results!
DeleteThank you Rachel for being my inspiration and kudos to you for starting now vs. where I allowed myself to get to! I guess I've made so many excuses over the years for being a single parent and having so many other things to focus on and putting myself last because, lets face it, Im only one person and doing the job of two! Stepping on the scale today was enough to almost make me cry! I remember when I used to say, at least Im not 300 lbs, yeah well, now I am! GROSS! Im SO sick of hearing people say you're not fat, your just tall. Yes, I am tall but no height is healthy to be 300lbs! Thank you again for allowing me to join the Chub Club at work, today was a reality check for me and its time to get serious about never seeing that girl again who's in the pictures of my brother's recent wedding! I joined weight watchers and am literally tracking everything I put in my mouth, every 8 oz glass of water and every ounce of motivation I put into getting up and moving! Im still in the development stages of setting my "plan" but I will not allow myself lazy choices anymore! I look forward to cheering all of us Chub Club members along and anyone else struggling to take every baby step possible at getting healthier! GO US!
ReplyDeleteI'm proud of you for jumping in and wanting to be part of the Chub Club! I'm an expert at making excuses about my weight. And yeah, I've heard the "you're tall" line a lot over the years. With your motivation, you're making me nervous that you're going to win the challenge. Go girl!!
DeleteAwsome!!! I look forward to you inspiring blog!! Good job Rachel and good luck!! I will have you in my prayers for success!
ReplyDelete