My husband, Tim, and I are taking the kids to a waterpark hotel at the end of the month. While trying to decide where to take a 3-year old and a 1 1/2-year old on this brave journey, I recounted a trip to Wisconsin Dells from September 2010.
I was 8 months pregnant with our second child and we were attending a wedding at Devil's Lake. We researched hotels in the area that had indoor waterparks for toddlers. The Atlantis won us over with their reasonable prices and great pictures. What a mistake. The hotel was clean enough, but I felt uneasy there, like we were going to get mugged. After unpacking our things in the room, we took our almost 2-year old to the waterpark. It was Saturday night and we were the ONLY guests in the pool area. It was like a ghost town. They advertised a snack bar (I was pregnant and starving! lol), but there wasn't one to be found. I sat on the sidelines, snackless, while Tim played with our son in the water. That lasted for about 15 minutes before Titus was bored. Maybe going out for dinner would help liven things up.
After driving around for what seemed like an eternity, we settled on the Colossal Buffet. I remember eating at that restaurant when I chaperoned a youth trip one year, and they served good food in a fun atmosphere. I learned later that was before the ownership changed hands.
You'd think three cars in the parking lot on a Saturday night would have tipped us off on what was to come. Or their giant-sized advertised price of a $9.95 buffet. Or the run-down building with weeds growing up from the parking lot cracks. Nope. We had found a good deal and were going with it no matter what. We walked in, paid, and found a semi-clean table. We should have turned back after walking past the buffet, but we just kept going like moths to a flame. The highlights of the buffet line were canned baked beans, grayish hotdogs floating in a water bath with stale buns, canned corn, and mashed potatoes. Those were the items we could recognize. The drink selection included a soda dispenser or "juice." The cup sizes were 6 ounces. Yes, 6 whole ounces in a child-size cup! I chose the juice, but called it quits when I discovered it was Kool-Aid. The dessert table had those wafer cookies in chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla (it IS a buffet, after all), and little 4 ounce cups of Jell-O. We fixed a plate of the safest looking food for Titus, but were having trouble wanting anything for ourselves. Then the most horrible food experience happened...
The "chef" came out from the back carrying a dozen breadsticks IN HIS HANDS! He put them on the buffet line and stopped to talk to a co-worker. As he talked, we took note of his attire. The restaurant must not have had an air conditioner in the kitchen, because the man wore a sleeveless shirt and was quite sweaty. After depositing the breadsticks with the other food, he wiped his face off with his bare hands and put them to rest in his armpits! After we picked our jaws off the floor and snatched the food right out of our child's mouth, we hightailed it out of there. As we were leaving, having to cut through the employees smoking on the front steps, we noticed an innocent family pulling into the parking lot. We were so traumatized that we ran up to their car and begged them not to enter. Oh, for the love of God, don't eat here! The people were wise and heeded our warning. We ended up eating at Culver's that night, in the car, and it was most delicious.
I just Googled "Colossal Buffet" in Wisconsin Dells and learned that the place is closed. Good riddance! I don't know how long they were in business, but it was too long.
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